Arrested Drunk Guy Sings Bohemian Rhapsody

i cheated on my wife.....

....with a cup.

today i had to go to the fertility clinic to get checked out.

it was quite possibly the most uncomfortable i have ever been in my entire life.

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here was my little room

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besides the creepy leather reclined chair, notice that there is nothing in the room to help with soundproofing. when i shut the door i could hear taisha, the 250lb. black woman stocking the supply closet just outside of the door, loud and clear.

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i know you are thinking "damn fat kid, you had to watch porn and knock one out....big deal." well, there were instructions........

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the soap that they had turned your hands from soft, warm flesh into 60 grit, industrial strength sandpaper.

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apparently, my wife could have scored the assist, but that would not have ended well....

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then, i found the action cabinet

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i was horribly uncomfortable, so i took the time to read a couple of articles

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then i saw this. what am i, 12????

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finally, after it was all over, i walked out into the hallway and found an absolutely gorgeous redhead standing at the tech window explaining her and her husband's answer to question #6

more taxi dave!

taxi dave!

pot-holders don't work if they're damp

Blonde Chick Explains MPH

just trying to make a living

i'm starting my christmas list early....

i want one!

this is the greatest commercial i have ever seen