Thursday, September 30, 2010

moving sucks

our move from minnesota to georgia has been one headache after another.

first, picking up the truck was a headache. after the 45 minutes it took to print and sign the paper work and to have the guy tell us about the truck and trailer, we drove all the way from mankato to mapleton and opened the back of the truck to find that it was leaking........a lot. renting a truck is really expensive, i didn't want a leaky truck. so, i had to drive back to mankato and get another truck.

then, we didn't have any help. some missionaries from my friend's church were going to help, but they were leaving town the day we planned to load the truck. anyone who lived in mapleton had to deal with sewer water backed up into their house, so they couldn't help us load. it was only me, my wife and my parents loading.

and let's not forget the rain. oh my, the rain. we loaded the truck in a constant, steady, miserable rain. the same rain that flooded parts of southern minnesota. we were soaked to the bone.

we stayed in mankato at a hotel with my parents and left town friday morning at 8am. shortly after getting on to I-35 we were detoured off the road due to flooding. i am driving a big ass rental truck with my car on a trailer behind it on one of those piddly-ass farm roads in the middle of freaking nowhere minnesota with 18 wheelers passing me. it was awful. at 11:15am the radio was still tuned to country 103.5, the country station inside the building i used to work in. after 3 hours of driving i could still hear the one of the freaking stations i used to work for.




finally, after getting back on the interstate, things were going ok. my dad was riding with me in the big ass truck and my mom was riding with my wife in her car. at some point in the day my wife asked if we could switch and let her ride with me for a while.

at the next stop for gas my dad got into my wife's VW to drive and called us in a panic just a couple of minutes down the road. he said that the car was running really high RPMs, that it wouldn't shift out of gear. we pulled over and let him turn off the car and turn it back on, but he said it was still doing it. now i am thinking that my car is totally screwed. we were pulled over at an abandoned rest stop in the middle of nowhere iowa, my wife was on the phone with roadside assistance and i was trying to find the closest VW place on google. i was pretty pissed. towing the jetta to a VW place to have it serviced would not only screw up our trip, but it would be really expensive. so, i got in the car to test it out.................it worked fine. apparently, my super hard to drive german car had foiled my father. he had bumped the shifter into tiptronic and the car was staying in 3rd gear because he was only driving 60mph. i was relieved, but pretty irritated with the gigantic waste of our time.

the rest of the first day was pretty uneventful, in fact, the second day was pretty uneventful. but then, we got to the new apartment..............


sunday morning, the day we were moving in, it was pouring down rain. probably the same rain that drenched us in minnesota a couple of days beforehand. just as we loaded the truck in the rain, we had to unload the truck in the rain.

we did have help this time. so, it did happen much faster.

but other we had other issues.....

comcast couldn't figure out that i wanted to pick up the box and just let them turn on my cable. after 5 phone calls of canceling installs, talking to morons and trying to figure out why my cable wasn't turned on, we finally learned that cable had never been run to this apartment so they had to come out. did they show up in their schedule time? why the hell would they do that?? we went round and round with them, but finally got cable and internet.

we also found water in the floor. it seems that the washing machine in the apartment upstairs was leaking. maintenance came and fixed it, but it just another problem for the list.

my wife got a call from her work. they had her listed as a no call/no show for two days. everyone knew that she transferred except for the people doing the scheduling. she was freaking out. we didn't have the internet yet, so she couldn't email the confirmations that she had. it got straightened out, but it was a huge headache.

then, the worst problem of them all. the fleas. my dog, who had never had fleas, had them all over him. we don't know where they came from. we aren't sure if they were already in the apartment or if we tracked them in while unloading the truck in the rain. or maybe they were in the stuff that we had in a storage unit in minnesota. we aren't sure where they came from, but they are a headache. we had to buy flea spray and carpet stuff and shampoo and wash the dog 3 times.

now, we are moved in, almost unpacked and hoping that the headaches are over....................i hope

Friday, September 17, 2010

leaving.....

this time next week, i will be out of the state of minnesota.

i have started to get sad about the fact that i am leaving. don't get me wrong, i wasn't planning on retiring in mankato freaking minnesota, however, i would have liked to stay for a little while.

i was really excited when i got the call from 95.7 the blaze. they called me on a wednesday and interviewed me, then called me back on friday and offered me the job. i was in mankato on that next monday. why travel so far, so fast?

the station i worked for in chattanooga, tn flipped from alternative to top 40 and let me go and year prior. i had been off the air and searching for another radio job.

so, when i got the call from mankato, i had to jump on it.

the general manager told me that i was "a human cartoon character". he also told me repeatedly that he loved my fearlessness on the air. i was hired to bring personality and attitude to the station. my numbers were good and people were listening.

i did get a few complaints though:

-the TV station complained when i said one of the weekend newscasters had "douchebag hair" and it "made me angry"

-the newspaper complained when i ripped them for having to redo voting for the reader's choice poll

-the sheriff's department complained when i said that tyler heilman was murdered

-the GM’s wife got pissed when i posted a photo of our part time receptionist in her halloween outfit. she was mad that i refered to it as “slutty” on my blog

-the bullet boys said that because i made fun of them on the air, no one came to their show at the underground



these weren't complaints from advertisers, they were fires that should have been put out. however, the personality and attitude that i was hired for became my demise.

i would have loved to stay. mankato is a great area and i really enjoyed my time here. but, alas, i have no reason to stay.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

minnesota

i have lived in minnesota for two years and next week i am leaving. we are moving back to the south, but there are some things that i am really going to miss about minnesota............and some things that i won't miss


things i will miss about minnesota:

token bbq

the scenery

a mall with a rollercoaster in it

10p sunset in the summer

placing $2 bets at canterbury park

casinos

the handful of people who treated me like i am some sort of amazingly talented superstar, you people are crazy but i love you

85° being considered "pretty hot"

MSU hockey games

fat cheerleaders

all the great friends i have made. i will not name them here for fear of missing one and pissing someone off



things i will not miss about minnesota:

snow

salt stains

40 below

sunset at 4:15p in the winter

45 mph speed limits on roads that are so flat and straight that you can't see the end

the fact that the plows seem to completely forget about highway 22 during the winter

putting a sweater and a coat on my dog just so he can pee

the smell of manure on the fields

being stuck behind a combine for miles and miles

random ass twins replays on FSN every freaking day

the slushy mess when the ice is melting

that damn tornado siren

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

hottest midget i have ever seen

last night my wife and i were at mazatlan, a mexican restaurant in mankato, mn. the best mexican restaurant in mankato........some people like mexican village, but how can you have a good mexican restaurant without a single mexican working there. if you go to mexican village there isn't a single brown person in sight!

anyway, we were at mazatlan, sitting in a booth near the door. people were walking by on their way out.

i noticed a couple walking by and i was dumbfounded. a normal, kinda goofy looking dude was with the hottest midget i have ever seen in my life. she couldn't have been more than three and a half feet tall, she had beautiful blonde hair and a HUGE set of boobs. they weren't big in comparison to her short stature, no these suckers were freaking huge!

D-cups, no shit, D-cups on a midget..........

she walked by rather fast but trust me, i got a good look. she was tiny but well built. she had the enormous boobs and a wonderful ass. she wasn't one of those midgets that has the little chubby fingers that look like snausages either. she was perfectly proportioned, she was just tiny.

i was amazed.

she was the hottest midget i have ever seen