living next to a funeral home

i live on top of the post office in mapleton, mn.

two doors down from me is the funeral home. i don't like funeral homes......they creep me out. over the past couple of days the funeral home has been especially creepy.

yesterday, this is what i saw:




i know that to some people it is whatever, but to me it is just creepy. something about all those caskets makes me feel weird.


then, today the funeral got even creepier..........



















why in the world is there a dumpster outside of the funeral home?????????

elvis on tour

on thursday, all over the country, the documentary 'elvis on tour' is being show in theaters.

it is a special one day event.

i am a huge elvis fan and i was really happy to find out that the movie theater in mankato is showing it.

however, i went by there yesterday to ask about tickets and found out that they are $12.50 each. i can order the DVD from elvis.com for $19.99 and the stupid movie theater is going to charge my wife and i $25 to see it once.

bullshit. absolute bullshit.

the movie theaters aren't just raping elvis fans, ticket prices are ridiculous for everything. especially now that everything is being made in 3D...........

the only way to make it stop is to not go........after thursday though, because i am not missing 'elvis on tour'

the most stylish 54 y/o man alive

my dad is one of my very best friends. he is good people. however, his since of style is a little different from most.......


this weekend my dad is with the youth group from my church back home on a retreat. they are apparently at a lake and someone snapped a photo of him on the dock.

my mom sent me this photo.


ladies and gentlemen, i would like to introduce you to the most stylish 54 year old man you will ever see...........






































it really doesn't get much better than this

lost TV personalities

TV personalities don't die, they host game shows........apparently

i recently found a show on the game show network called 'baggage'. it is hosted by jerry springer and it is a pretty funny twist on the dating game. however, i have learned via the game show network promos and commercials that a lot of TV and pop culture personalities from the past are not lost. no, they host game shows now.

larry miller hosts a show called late night liars


carlton from fresh prince (alfonso ribeiro) plays blackjack


the fat one from wilson phillips (carnie wilson) hosts the new newlywed game

i am not a fan of the new newlywed game. they old one was classic and funny when it was unintentionally dirty. this new one tries way too hard.


and much to my surprise, wink martindale is still alive and hosting instant recall

an honest movie trailer

i love the honesty in this movie trailer







this movie looks insane! and i agree with the trailer.........hollywood needs more man movies

unemployment update

i am starting my 28th week of being unemployed. i know what you are thinking......"fat kid, why don't you get a job while you wait for a radio job?" well, i have tried that before. in the past i have been an overnight security guard, a gas station attendant at walmart, a car salesman, a doorman at a comedy club, and a game host at a bowling alley. the fact that i can stay on unemployment and collect a check and not have to get a crappy job is a problem, but that is a topic for a different blog.......

during my 190+ days of being unemployed i have sent out hundreds of emails and packages to radio stations all over the country........and some radio stations outside of the country. i check the job postings all day long. i am obsessed with it.

some program directors and operations managers have told me that they love my stuff, but they don't have any positions. some say that they would hire me today, but they are on a hiring freeze. i had an interview with a rock station in nashville, tn, but they ended up hiring someone that already worked in the building.

it is seriously driving me crazy. during my 190+ days my emotions have ranged from incredibly angry to extremely depressed. depression is something i have never dealt with before. i have to say, i don't like it.

my podcast is an exercise in keeping myself sane. i do enjoy doing it. it gives me an outlet for some creativity and it allows me to do some more long form talk radio, which is something i have never done before.

the same with the 'dollar tree body wash' video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byz7E50zTto - i was bored and i thought it was funny. however, i am also hoping some radio person will see it and think that it is funny too.

i tell you this because i have always tried to be honest. i was taught to do honest, real radio. hopefully, i will get to do it again soon.

maverick four

the maverick four is the discount movie theatre in mankato. it is the last remnant of the mankato mall that was built in 1978. the building isn't empty, it is used by different local government agencies as office space. the theatre, however, is a reminder of the building's glory days.

i love the feel of this theatre. it only has four screens and each of them is in a very small theatre.






it is like stepping back in time. it reminds me of my childhood.

the seats are uncomfortable and don't recline, the floor is perpetually sticky, and the sound system is full of clicks and pops. however, it costs 3 bucks. that is it. three dollars.

you can't beat it. screw 3D. screw $9.75 movie tickets.

plus, most of the time you are by yourself in the theatre. today, myself and some other guy watched iron man 2. who cares if it came out 10 weeks ago, it was new to me.

i don't watch much television

my wife works four 10 hour shifts each week, so she gets 3 days off. since i don't have a job, i figure it is only fair for her to have control of our television 90% of the time she is at home.

she watches terrible television. i have told you this before.

if i am in control of the tv and she is not interested in the show, she will yammer on and on. today, i was watching top gear. i love top gear. i love cars. she is not interested in cars and she has a hard time understanding people with thick accents, so she doesn't like top gear.

what does she do? she begins reading out loud from the computer a news story about an elderly couple in georgia dying in their home. when i turn up the tv, she reads louder and louder and louder. finally, i tell her to shut up and she gets pissed.

it is ridiculous.

dollar tree body wash

heat advisory

there is a heat advisory for my area of minnesota today.

i understand that heat can be dangerous and that if you are not prepared you could die, blah, blah, blah

however, take a closer look at the advisory




"HIGHS AROUND 90 TO THE LOWER 90S ARE FORECAST FOR THIS AFTERNOON "

are you freaking kidding me??? 90-93 degrees. that is a freaking heat advisory????????

why even post that?

less funny, bigger tits

last night i ran across a show called 'the dish'. it is kinda like 'the soup' on E!, but less funny. joel mchale on 'the soup' is brilliant. he is laugh out loud funny. 'the dish', however, is hosted by danielle fishel. if you don't recognize her real name i am sure you recognize this one: topanga.









that's right, topanga from 'boy meets world' is now the host of a soup-esqe show on the style channel. and topanga has grown up.........a lot











if i start to watch this show regularly, it will be because of her breasts. the jokes are painfully unfunny. this is a bit from last night's show






less funny, bigger tits

dear old spice.........

you hit a home run with your "man your man could smell like" commercial




it was a home run. it went viral. it made that guy famous. he was on talk shows galore. congratulations, your advertising department did a good job.

however, it is pretty tough to strike gold twice with the exact same concept.



this new commercial is trying way too hard. we get it, he talks calmly and quickly while doing things. you have done that before.

bring back this guy

i wanna ride!

this bus is parked outside of my apartment right now.


i don't know why the hell it is here. myrtle beach is 1400 miles away from here.

maybe it is a sign. maybe i need to pack up and move to the beach. or, i need to sell my VW and buy an old person transit van...........either way, it is a sign.

sunburn

my wife and i went out to the beach at madison lake to swim and take in some sun. usually i am all about putting on some sunscreen........however, last saturday i didn't really think about it. i was enjoying the breeze and the sun and hanging out and got freaking cooked!






check out the white stripes under my man boobs..........

what are these??

i found these books on my steps this morning. can anyone tell me what in the hell they are???









honestly, what a waste of space. why do phonebooks still exists? when was the last time that you needed a phone number and pulled out the phonebook and flipped through it rather than just google it?

people are talking about being "green" and being planet conscious and yet we still have phonebooks being printed......

ooohhh......aaaahhhh

for the fourth of july my wife and i went to mystic lake casino for a free outdoor concert. and not just any concert, no..........the freaking oak ridge boys were there! say what you will, but i lived the first 11 years of my life in middle tennessee. not too far from nashville. i grew up on southern gospel and classic country. the oak ridge boys are legends and i was not about to pass up an opportunity to see them for free.

plus, fireworks......

now, with the oak ridge boys being the headlining act, you have to know that the crowd is a bunch of blue-hairs. however, when the fireworks began a sea of cell phones and digital cameras shot up. later when i got home i checked my facebook page and there are tons of photos posted of fireworks.







this got me thinking.........why? why in the hell do people take photos of fireworks? who the hell are you going to show them to? why post them on your facebook? these photos look just like the ones you would find if you google image search "fireworks"

what is wrong with people?

i wish i had a boat, damn it

today i went to the "beach" at madison lake. i call it the "beach" because i grew up visiting my grandparents in orlando and going to daytona beach. that is a real beach. this was some sand on the edge of a lake in freaking minnesota




however, that is not the point. and, it is the closest thing that i have right now and i better make the best of it.


while we were at the "beach" i kept seeing people putting in their boats and driving by in their boats. pulling people on wakeboards and skis and tubes. partying with friends on big pontoon boats. mainly, these people were having the time of their lives while out on their boats. skinny, ugly dudes with three, four, or five bikini clad women............pimpin'


damn it, i want a boat.

my wife watches terrible television

my wife works four 10 hour shifts, so she is off for 3 days each week. since i don't have a job, she gets to watch whatever she wants when she is home. i figure that is fair for her having to be my sugar-moma and all.........

however, she watches some of the absolute worst television.

yesterday i got to listen to dr. oz go on and on about uterine bleeding. after that i got to suffer through 'the drs.' rambling on and on about who knows what women's ailment. i also get to listen to such emmy worthy shows as 'i didn't know i was pregnant', 'kate plus 8', anything with babies and 'intervention' is the worst.

there are a couple of shows that she watches that i don't mind all too much. maury is fun because of all of the pieces of shit that need a pregnancy test. reba is ok because of joanna garcia. don't recognize the name? well, she looks like this:





and then, she also loves the golden girls which i don't mind at all. say what you will, you know that you would at least consider sex with an old slut like blanche devereaux