5 minutes inside of a Costco will make you more racist than you ever thought possible

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I'm so glad to see that you put a red X on your hand and posted a photo of it on Facebook. that'll sure teach those human traffickers......

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remember that we live in a world without personal responsibility or accountability. so, live it up! everything is somebody else's fault anyways.

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atlanta schools are adding 5 minutes to each class to make up snow days. i'm sure those 5 minutes will be used wisely and not wasted at all.

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harold ramis is dead?????? does that mean there won’t be new ghostbusters movie??????

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wife's 15 y/o cousin is now following me on twitter. I'll take things that won't end well for $100, Alex.

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if you have a salt life sticker on your car and you don't live at the beach, I automatically assume that you're a douche

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there is only one way to eat string cheese and that is to pull it apart in strings. people who just bite into it are animals.

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after watching the news here in Atlanta I'm amazed that people are allowed to have an ice maker in their home. ice kills, people. wake up!

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using the word "prolly" is one of the quickest ways to make me hate you.

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if the Atlanta media is to be believed, in less than 24 hours I'm going to be buried under 17 feet of ice.......or something like that

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can someone explain why zombies are cool?

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i was asked to write a 50 word bio about myself for work. how can i condense this much awesome into 50 words?

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you know, you've got that fancy camera and you kind of know photoshop.........you should totally start a photography business.

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don’t forget the real winners of the super bowl: the poor african kids who get new t-shirts featuring the losing teams’ logo.

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the fact that I have to wait 2 weeks to see a new episode of true detective kind of pisses me off. stupid Super Bowl.....

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I feel for my friends in Mankato, MN. I miss the hell out of weather like they've got tonight. stay warm.

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wife is convinced a girl at petco has a crush on me; she gets pissed every time the girl speaks to me. like i can control how sexy i am….

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quick question. is it ok to have chili for breakfast?

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blah blah justin bieber blah blah

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